To: Lane3 who wrote (10108 ) 3/30/2001 6:11:28 PM From: Gordon A. Langston Read Replies (3) | Respond to of 82486 It's bad manners for hosts to not go out of their way to make everyone to feel included and comfortable. I know you know I'm not suggesting that rudeness should be illegal, only that it should carry more weight with our saintly neighbors. I guess the reason no one comments on Jews is that they don't proselytize. Here is guide I found for goyim or I gather anyone who is not orthodox. Anyone that knows more about this please feel free to correct at any point. I don't claim much practical knowledge and this guide may not be kosher.;)If you are married, you may find the social climate a bit more welcoming. You still need to maintain some reserve – especially around Jews of the opposite sex. And hospitality remains one-sided. They can invite you to their place for dinner. And you can’t reciprocate. Relax and enjoy it. Here are a few social "Do’s": Do attend a bar/bat mitzvah, a wedding, a Shabbat meal when invited. go. These are considered religious rather than social occasions. Do be cordial and polite. To maintain your reserve, it helps to be a bit formal. Since the Jewish community is rather mannerly anyway, you are not going to feel out of place. Do send Jewish friends holiday cards for Rosh HaShanah, Hanukkah, and Pesakh if you wish. Yes, you are cultivating your social relationship by doing so, but you are primarily encouraging your friends in the practice of their Jewish traditions and mitzvot. And that’s a good thing. Do contribute to organizations that bring Jewish men and women together. This is an especially appropriate form of tzedekah (charity) for unmarried non-Jews. Do introduce Jewish friends to each other. And a few social "Don’ts": Don’t ask a Jew for a date. Don’t accept a date from a Jew. Don’t fix up a Jewish friend with a non-Jewish friend. Don’t invite Jews to your house or elsewhere, especially when you expect to serve refreshments. (An exception could be made if you have been working with your local Orthodox rabbi and can meet kashrut guidelines for your event.) If you have been invited to a Jewish family’s home for any occasion, go but don’t think you are supposed to reciprocate. You’re not. Don’t give Jews edible or potable gifts – unless you know that they are kosher. Don’t drink wine in unavoidable social situations with Jews. According to Jewish halakha, Jews are forbidden from drinking wine in social situations with non-Jews. That’s because wine is thought to loosen social inhibitions and to lead to inappropriate relationships. Kashrut laws around wine reinforce this principle. What makes a wine kosher – aside from making sure that it does not have any non-kosher ingredients – is that it is touched only by Jews at key points in the process. If fact, if you touch an open unpasteurized bottle of kosher wine, you make it non-kosher for Jews. An except to the rule against sharing wine with Jews occurs at a religious occasion – a Shabbat meal, a wedding, a bar/bat mitzvah, a brit milah (circumcision). These are not considered social occasions and you will usually be offered wine. It is okay to accept, though if a rabbi is available, you might want to check. Don't mislead anyone about your marital status. Don’t attend a wedding, especially the religious portion, between a Jew and a non-Jew. If you are a minister, do not perform the wedding between a non-Jew and a Jew. The above Do’s and Don’t are designed to help bring you into the appropriate relationship with the observant Jewish community. Strictly speaking, they apply to your relationships with any Jew – observant or not. But while observant Jews will understand and be grateful for such behavior, liberal and secular Jews may think you have gone off the deep end – even as they complain about loss of Jewish identity, the high number of Jews marrying non-Jews, and so on. How to behave with them is an interesting question, something that is worth discussing in another forum. – KENNETH GUENTERT