Boots, you represented one of the Gabors? I have to wax nostalgic for a moment here. When I was in the 8th grade in highschool, I used to stay up late every night just to watch Jack Paar on the Tonight Show. Zsa Zsa really impressed me, because she's the first person I ever heard on television say the words "Damn" or "Hell." She used to tell these long stories and Jack would say something like, "So what's next Zsa Zsa?," and Zsa Zsa would say, "Oh I don't give a DAMN, dahling." I'd run downstairs and tell my dad or mom, "Hey, Zsa Zsa's SWEARING on TV". My parents didn't believe me. "They're don't allow anyone to swear on television". So I started taping all of Paar's shows on my reel to reel Webcor tape recorder. After taping various shows for a year, I would edit all my tapes and just save the passages where Zsa Zsa and other guests like Oscar Levant were SWEARING." I thought I was on the cutting edge of some kind of cultural breakthough by distilling and collecting only the most outrageous moments from the Paar show. Finally, I called my parents up to my room and played them the tape. My mom would ask my dad, "How do they get away with that"? So Zsa Zsa was my introduction to profanity. As the years rolled by, Zsa Zsa's moments were overshadowed and minimized by the likes of pioneering Lenny Bruce and others, which brings us all up to the present day and time, and of course, the Yahoo board, where it has been finally and firmly established that any moron can say anything for any reason. Obscenity has lost its edge, and obviously casual slander is the new order of things. From Zsa Zsa to Kid Rock, it's been a long trip.
There's lots to think about when you're about to go under the knife, and I exercised all of my fears and options at the uncertainity. Feeling a bit frightened, I had one of my usual casual conversations with God, "God, this is it. It's a perfect opportunity for me to check out permanently.I haven't written a new song or recorded any music worth a damn in the last 3 years. So, it's up to you, God. Either kill me or give me back my music". But God responded with , "Eh wot, wot? "MUSIC"? I thought you had said"MUCUS".
I don't know much about TA, nothing in fact. But my own personal bollinger bands are fastened on quite securely, except that my wife refers to them as Montgomery Straps. I wear a binder when I go out, lest I open up like a Mexican pinata and spill out my intestines like jelly beans and party favors .I've been popping the percocets like mints, and it's so nice to finally be taking some class A pharmacuticals legally for a change. It puts me in mind of Elvis, who as an honorary narcotics officer, actually submitted to the DEA the Beatles name on a list he created, as a "potential threat to " the youth of America", because of their political beliefs and unorthodox lifestyles, which they openly bragged about in the media. At the time of Elvis' passing, he was actually taking ten kinds of power house drugs, and all of it was legally prescribed. I was discussing this with a fellow musician friend of mine back in 1977, and I said, "So do you think Elvis was really the King of Rock and Roll"? His response was, "He was not only the King of Rock and Roll, but he was also the King of Drugs". My friend pointed out, "If I was taking what Elvis was taking, I wouldn't be able to stand, let alone perform in concert and hit all the high notes on "It's Now or Never" in front of a Vegas audience"
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Was Elvis in denial? More than likely, it probably indicates that everything is relative, depending on one's personal perspective. As I lay in the hospital I thought, "I don't know what's going on with Ampex. I haven't read the Yahoo boards for 8 days. I'm currently avoiding all of that collective pain. I'm on VACATION." And I guess I was.
After the surgery, the surgeons discovered that there was some air in my bladder, which is not normal. My urolgist, a woman, came into my room and said, "Hi. I'm Doctor Regal, the same as the car. We're need to shoot you with some iodine, so we can run a catscan on your bladder. However, we notice that you're allergic to shellfish, so we don't want to put any iodine in your bloodstream by injection. I'm going to have to refit you with a foley, so that we can inject the iodine directly into your bladder". When they wheeled me down to radiology, a rather bored looking gentleman said to me, "What are you here for"? I told him, "A Buick's going to go up my penis".
(I have to give a nod here to Hal for God's punchline to my prayer. Thanks Hal, it really helped to put things into perspective for me. It's probably not good to give God ultimatums. And thanks again for sending the party balloons. I brought them home with me, and they're still full of hellium, floating and resting on the living room ceiling.)
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