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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (19037)	5/5/2001 11:10:58 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62578

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick boxing.

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (19037)	5/7/2001 3:40:34 AM
From: elmatador	Respond to of 62578

The Robot Three researchers at an university, all of them single, were always complaining of how time consuming was to do the house work. Cleaning, washing, ironing. What a waste of time. They could spend this time doing their scientific work. One of them had the idea of constructing a robot to do the house work. After about six months he said he had toiled in his garage but had finally the robot was ready. On Sunday they could come and have a look at it. So his two friends came and rang the bell. A robot opens the door and saying: "good morning gentleman. Please come in, we were expecting you.' Please make yourself at home my master is having a shower and will come down in a minute.' 'Thank you they" said.' forgetting that it was machine. "can I offer you something to drink? That was a surprise! They look to each other and said: 'I need a gin tonic.' 'Me, I would like a Manhattan' In three minutes flat the robot returns with the drinks and perfectly mixed! Very impressing stuff. The robot owner comes down and ask: "What do you guys think?" "Well quite good help. But can it clean and do house stuff? "He's just cooking lunch for us but I will interrupt the program and will do a demonstration." He presses a couple of buttons in a remote control and the robot, comes over and start s vacuum cleaning using his feet. The owner explains: "As you see, everything is built in this robot making it a complete machine. It uses his right hand to iron clothes" "Simple things, like washing, ironing, the robot does it non stop." One of his friends say: "Yeah. I can see how neat your house looks." "Look that it also entertains me you know." He presses another button and the robot starts playing a CD since the robot was also a stereo sound system. He presses another one the robot stops and his back was a TV screen and he played a DVD. He presses a few more buttons and access the Internet on the fly. They have a very delicious lunch served by the robot. Good cokk the robot was! They seat and chat for a while until the robot owner drops the bomb. "Now the surprise. This robot makes love too!" "What a love making machine? Can't believe you!" "Yeah, wanna try it?" "Nope. Thanks. I don't." "Ok, guys, you don't want to start. I go first." So the owner of the robot goes inside his room and they hear him moaning of pleasure. The robot was -apparently- extremely good in bed! He comes out and say: "This robot today is as good as ever. You have to try it." "Ok, you persuaded me." One of his friends say. He goes inside and comes half an hour later exhausted. "You've got to make a robot like that for me. Just build it with the ability to make love and that is enough for me. Whatever it costs!" The third guy says: "Ok. I think I will have a go at this robot too." So he enters the bed room and five minutes later the friends hear crying: "Help, for God sake save me". The robot is killing me!" They to the bedroom and see the guy holding a bloody mass where his penis used to be. The owner of the robot shouts: SHIT! I FORGOT TO TELL HIM THAT THE HOLE AT BACK IS TO GRIND MEAT!