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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Proud_Infidel who wrote (19853)	7/16/2001 6:27:20 PM
From: Proud_Infidel	Respond to of 62569

More from an email.....I don't want any credit for any of these:-) *************************** 1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead > raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, > gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger." > > 2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into > low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the world > > 3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to > Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in > the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, > naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. > > 4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit > a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't > have your kayak and heat it, too. > > 5. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He > slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who > shot my paw." > > 6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a > root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication. > > 7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were > standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament > victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the > office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as > they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts > boasting in an open foyer." > > 8. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of > them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other > goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, > Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon > receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she > also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "They're > twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." > > 9. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they > opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone > liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across > town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good > fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and > begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival > florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious > thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the > friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they > didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving > that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. > > 10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten different puns to > friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make > them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.