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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: StormRider who wrote (20080)	8/8/2001 3:02:51 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62547

Forget the Kilts, Penis Puppeteers Go Down Under Tuesday August 7 6:42 PM ET dailynews.yahoo.com By Paul Majendie EDINBURGH (Reuters) - For an Australian comedian, it is the dream assignment -- show off your manhood, travel the world and get paid for it. And Steve Harrison and Daniel Lewry are doing just that as the decidedly ``Down Under'' stars of ``Puppetry of the Penis,'' an eye-popping show that celebrates the ancient Australian art of genital origami. There is no need to peep under their kilts at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The irrepressible duo bare all on stage, twisting, turning and tweaking their penises into every imaginable shape from the Loch Ness Monster to the Eiffel Tower. For the women fans who shriek with uncontrollable laughter at every new contortion, there is no need to bring any binoculars along -- the living genital sculptures are projected on a giant video screen that leaves nothing to the imagination. Audience participation is actively encouraged -- the crowd is urged to persuade the timid mollusc to come out of his shell. The Olympic Torch was certainly never carried like this at the 2000 Games in Sydney. The pair show intense testicular fortitude to pull off the windsurfer. ``Don't try this at home,'' they beg crowds helpless with laughter. And Lewry loves every minute of it: ``We play with ourselves for a living, get paid for it and see the world,'' he said, chortling over his good fortune. But is there ever any danger that they might rise to the occasion in mid-performance? ``You certainly have to watch your reading material before going on stage. But once you get in front of 400 people and they are all staring...,'' said Harrison. ``I believe porn stars have difficulty performing in front of just a camera crew,'' said Lewry. ``Puppetry of the Penis'' is the brainchild of Australian comedians Simon Morley and David Friend, who first performed the show at the Melbourne Comedy Festival to universal acclaim -- and astonishment. It has now been seen by more than 250,000 people around the globe. Next stop on the show's world tour for the originators is Toronto, Canada. Harrison and Lewry had one of the most alarming and offbeat auditions in the history of theater -- exposing themselves in front of a panel of judges and contorting their penises into weird and wonderful shapes. After that, a hall full of screaming women was nothing. One of the great charms of the show is its total lack of smut -- they come across as a pair of cheeky little boys who have just discovered what is happening between their legs. And ``Puppetry of the Penis'' attracts more raucous ladies than it does admiring homosexuals. Harrison thinks he knows why: ``To gays the penis is an icon. We are just mocking it.''

To: StormRider who wrote (20080)	8/8/2001 10:48:45 PM
From: Mephisto	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62547

These are from a book called "Disorder In The Court". These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court-reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.. (To StormRider and others. A friend forwarded this item to me. Since it is has been forwarded to many others, I don't know if the book exists. Nevertheless, don't miss the last item on the list.---Mephisto) ***************************** Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. ------------------------------- Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ------------------------------- Q: This 'Myasthenia Gravis', does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? ------------------------------- Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. ------------------------------- Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. --------------------------------- Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? ---------------------------------- Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? -------------------------------- Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? ---------------------------------- Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? ----------------------------------- Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A. By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? ---------------------------------- Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? ------------------------------------ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I always dress when I go to work. ----------------------------------- Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. ------------------------------------ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ------------------------------------ Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? ------------------------------------ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.