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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ian@SI who wrote (20248)	8/21/2001 9:54:34 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62552

Ö¿Ö a recently widowed lady, was sitting on a Florida beach near Miami. She looked up and noticed that an elderly gentleman had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby, and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir," she began. "How are you today?" "Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book. "I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked. "First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied. "Do you live around here?" she asked. "Yes," he answered, continuing to read. Goldie persisted. "Do you like pussycats?" With that, he threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers whipped off both their swimsuits, and gave her the most passionate ride of her life. As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that is what I wanted?" The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

To: Ian@SI who wrote (20248)	8/21/2001 9:56:48 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62552

Ö¿Ö SYNAGOGUE BULLETIN BLOOPERS These announcements were found in shul newsletters and bulletins. Even the spellchecker wouldn't have helped. 1. Don't let worry kill you. Let your synagogue help. Join us for our Oneg after services. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation. 2. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 3. We are pleased to announce the birth of David Weiss, the sin of Rabbi and Mrs. Abe Weiss. 4. Thursday at 5:00pm, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All women wishing to become Little Mothers please see the rabbi in his private study. 5. The ladies of Hadassah have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the basement on Tuesdays. 6. A bean supper will be held Wednesday evening in the community center. Music will follow. 7. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the JCC. Please use the large double door at the side entrance. 8. Rabbi is on vacation. Massages can be given to his secretary. 9. Goldblum will be entering the hospital this week for testes. 10. The Men's Club is warmly invited to the Oneg hosted by Hadassah. Refreshments will be served for a nominal feel. 11. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Rob, who are preparing for the girth of their first child. 12. We are taking up a collection to defray the cost of the new carpet in the sanctuary. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper. 13. If you enjoy sinning, the choir is looking for you! 14. The Associate Rabbi unveiled the synagogue's new fund-raising campaign slogan this week. "I Upped My Pledge. Up Yours."

To: Ian@SI who wrote (20248)	8/21/2001 10:11:21 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62552

Ö¿Ö - - - (Possible Repeat) A regular goes to his favorite very upscale restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous brunette sitting at a nearby table alone. He summons the waiter and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her - knowing that if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter quickly takes it over to the girl, explaining it is "from the gentleman." She looks at the wine and decides to send the following note note: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants." After reading the note, the man sends back a reply: "Just so you know - I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850il, and a Mercedes 560 SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back."