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To: Rambi who wrote (1332)	9/1/2001 1:42:49 PM
From: SirRealist	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 51729

Yes, honesty can bring pain. And even when not used as a weapon, the recipient may feel that it is. Sometimes that can be useful (confronting an alcoholic in denial) and productive. If someone asks: does this dress make my a** look too big? Honesty is not appropriate sometimes. But that's not really what I was after. I was after: the avoidance of deception, or presenting one's self honestly. Mostly. There are some times in public discussions when everyone tiptoes around the truth. The games politicians & diplomats play can make my stomach churn. In such instances, air-clearing point-making let's-cut-the-bs-and-call-it-what-it-is talk is a mot desirable and admirable honesty. But giving an honest opinion can be hurtful, even if that's truly not the intent. You might get upset if I said "that outfit makes you look frumpy" or "there's a booger hanging out of your nose". In both cases, my intent would be to suggest you might want to change something that will spare embarrassment, but I'll bet 99 out of a hundred would call the frumpy remark a 'desire to hurt'. Knowing that, I'd be more likely to say "That outfit's not your best; I love the green one and think it really brings out your eyes". It's true, but less likely to provoke an upset. That's just an example btw.... it carries through to public & private discourse. Honesty may always be well-motivated. But tempering it with some consideration makes it better. There's a quality for the list then: considerateness or considerate.