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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (20639)	9/22/2001 4:54:42 PM
From: Nazbuster	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62547

Funny Sexual Definitions. Hey, this is definitely off-color, so don't look if you don't like explicit stuff. All text, no pictures.. se.mediaone.net

To: Barney who wrote (20639)	9/23/2001 12:46:54 AM
From: ild	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62547

Not sure where I saw this, so can't give a credit: Bumper Sticker: ..............DEAR GOD............... Please give us another Internet Bubble We promise not to piss it away this time

To: Barney who wrote (20639)	9/23/2001 5:21:14 PM
From: Arthur Radley	Respond to of 62547

The day finally arrives: Forrest Gump dies and goes > to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. > Peter > himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forrest > approaches the gatekeeper. > > St. Peter says "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to > see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform > you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been > administering an entrance examination for everyone. > The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass > before you can get into Heaven. > > Forrest responds, "It shore is good to be here St. > Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told > me about any entrance exam. Sure hope the test ain't > too hard; life was a big enough test as it was." > > St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forrest but the test I > have for you is only three questions. Here is the > First: What days of the week begin with the letter T? > Second: How many seconds are there in a year? > Third: What is God's first name?" > > Forrest goes away to think the questions over. He > returns the next day and goes up to St Peter to tryto > answer the exam questions. > > St. Peter waves him up and says, "Now that you have > had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your > answers." > > Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- how many days in > the week begin with the letter "T"? Shucks, that > one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow." > > The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest! > That's not what I was thinking, but.....you do have a > point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I give you > credit for that answer." > > "How about the next one?" asks St. Peter. "How many > seconds in a year?" > > "Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk > and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can > be twelve." Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve! > Twelve??! Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you > come up with twelve seconds in a year?" Forest says > "Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, > February second, March second......" > > "Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're > going with this, and I guess I see your point,though > that wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I'll give > you credit for that one, too. > > Let's go on with the next and final question: Can you > tell me God's first name?" Forrest replied, > "Andy." > "OK, OK," said a frustrated St. Peter, "I can > understand how you came up with your answers to my > first two questions, but just how in the world did you > come up with the name of 'Andy' as the first name of > God?" > > "Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest > replied. "I learned it from the song...."ANDY WALKS > > WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS > OWN..." > > St. Peter opened the gate and said: "RUN, FORREST, > RUN!" >