To: J. C. Dithers who wrote (33031 ) 10/15/2001 1:24:45 PM From: Mac Con Ulaidh Respond to I fail to see how this has anything to do with Mars vs Venus? But... as to the subject coming up in initial conversations it is very simple, even if Cosmic is a dreamer. If I get into a talk with someone who I feel no interest in getting to know, that's one thing. If I think I might be interested in knowing them as a casual aquaintance who I talk with on occasion, that also is another thing. If, however, there is a feeling that I might like to get to know them better, it is far simpler, and saves time, to somehow work it into the first conversation, thereby saving the trouble of finding out down the road that they want nothing to do with gays, or just plain don't like them. This is polite, as well as a time saver. I am also saving them time invested in a "friendship" that has nowhere to go. Having not met many new people in the real world for a long time, I had either forgotten, or things have changed, that strangers ask a lot of personal questions right off. Like "are you married", "do you have a boyfriend". If I simply answered "no", I usually got asked, "why not". Personally, I think that is rude to ask of a stranger. But maybe they consider that pertinent information? It may or may not be a "defining" characteristic, but it is at this time a defining factor in potential friendships. And I would ask, with someone you get to be friends with, is there in interest on your part in whether or not they are seeing someone, if they are happy with who they seeing? If you get close enough to invite them to dinner, would you ask if there was someone they'd like to bring? Since so many would be uncomfortable with someone bringing a gay partner, it is "polite" that the new friend know this. As for me, I never have anyone to dinner, and am generally disinterested in knowing anyone's last name, who they date, or much else beyond the topics of life we discuss. But that's me. If a new friend, or old, brings up their love life, I will talk about it with them. But even after knowing I'm gay, there are only a couple of people I discuss the "dating" part of my life with. So unless an issue of the day comes up that makes "gay" relevant, it's not a topic. Well, except me maybe being distracted from our conversation by a cute woman walking by.
