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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: sandintoes who wrote (21009)	10/25/2001 8:19:24 AM
From: David Wright	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62551

> Subject: A True Halloween Story. Honest!!! > > > A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a....... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP ... behind him. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright > coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him, > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the coffin bouncing > quickly behind him ... > > > > > > > > > > > > Faster... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Faster... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Faster... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP.... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP.... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes > in, slams and locks the door behind him. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the > coffin clapping ... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > clappity-BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > clappity-BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > clappity-BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > clappity-BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > on the heels of the terrified man.... .. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart > is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing > gasps. . > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the door. Bumping > and clapping towards him. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The man screams and reaches for something heavy, anything ... his hand > comes to rest on a large bottle of Robitussin. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Desperate, he throws the Robitussin as hard as he can at the > apparition....... > > > > > > and ............ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ............ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >Finally ............ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ........................the coffin stops

To: sandintoes who wrote (21009)	10/25/2001 2:01:17 PM
From: Libbyt	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62551

Another new Taliban fighter Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally. Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble. We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose. We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all! We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem. Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare. Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help! Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain. I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!