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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (21220)	11/12/2001 9:04:07 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62592

WHY MEN GET OUT OF BED . . . A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night. 5% said it was to get a glass of water, 12% said it was to go the toilet, 83% said it was to go home. > >> ----------------------------------------------------- THE PERFECT BREAKFAST . . .as a man sees it... You're sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of the box of Wheaties. Your mistress is on the cover of Playboy. And your wife is on the back of the milk carton. (Q) What's the best form of birth control after 50? (A) Nudity. __________________________________ (Q) What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? (A) 45 lbs. ___________________________ (Q) What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? (A) 45 minutes. _____________________________ (Q) What's the fastest way to a man's heart? (A) Through his chest with a sharp knife. ______________________________________ (Q) Why are men and parking spaces alike? (A) Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are disabled. _________________________________________ (Q) Why do men want to marry virgins? (A) They can't stand criticism. ______________________________________ (Q) What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? (A) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. ___________________________________________________ (Q) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? (A) The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. ___________________________________________________ (Q) What do you call a smart blonde male? (A) A golden retriever. _______________________________________________ (Q) Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? (A) Everyone has the same DNA. ____________________________________ (Q) What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? (A) A speech impediment. __________________________________ (Q) What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo? (A) A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. ____________________________ (Q) What's the Cuban National Anthem? (A) Row row row your boat. _______________________________ (Q) What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale? (A) A Northern fairytale begins;Once upon a time; A Southern fairytale begins;'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (21220)	11/12/2001 2:18:39 PM
From: SHELTIE	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62592

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but we until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell, because the young couple haven't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company. "What are you saying? It's in your files?????" "Absolutely." "Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight." That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? and if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off." "And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."