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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Arthur Radley who wrote (21802)	12/25/2001 10:10:16 AM
From: Tom Johnson	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

All he is doing is reminding us that this is a JOKE thread.

To: Arthur Radley who wrote (21802)	12/25/2001 10:19:00 AM
From: OPER8OR324	Respond to of 62558

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began. "You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. "I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued. "The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him. "Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on. "That would be the usher," Charlie explained. "Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said. "You mean the aisle," Charlie said. "Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued. "Pew," Charlie retorted. "Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."

To: Arthur Radley who wrote (21802)	12/25/2001 10:20:48 AM
From: OPER8OR324	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was innocent bride with no experience. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex. The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to Honey?" The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them cows, they're roping!" She replies, "Oh, I see." After a few more hours of driving, they pass two horses having sex. Again the bride asks, "What are them horses doing honey?" The husband answers again, "Them horses, they're roping!" She replies, "Oh, I see." Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they start to explore each other's bodies. Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. "Oh my!" she cries. "What is that?" "Well, darlin,'" he chuckles proudly: "That's ma' rope." She slides her hands down further and gasps, "Oh my goodness! What are those?" she asks. "Honey, those're my knots." he answers. Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says, "Stop Honey, wait a minute! Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter Honey, am I hurting you?" "No," the bride replies, "undo them dang knots, I need more rope!"

To: Arthur Radley who wrote (21802)	12/25/2001 10:23:47 AM
From: OPER8OR324	Respond to of 62558

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want." The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "Okay, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding." The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes." The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror. Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, "Oh my God, I was riding the mare!"

To: Arthur Radley who wrote (21802)	12/25/2001 10:40:22 AM
From: OPER8OR324	Respond to of 62558

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my hoss ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I done in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I done in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, before you go - What happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

To: Arthur Radley who wrote (21802)	12/25/2001 12:14:15 PM
From: OPER8OR324	Respond to of 62558

This young Cowboy in the Old West wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. The young Cowboy walked up to the old man and told him his dream. The old man looked him up and down and said, "I have a suggestion that is sure to help." "Tell me, tell me," said the young Cowboy. "Tie the bottom of your holster lower onto your leg." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" "Definitely," said the old man. The young Cowboy did what he was told and drew his gun and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "Wow, that really helped. Do you have any more suggestions?" "Yeah, if you cut a notch in the top of your holster where the hammer hits, the gun will come out smoother." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" "It sure will," said the old man. The young Cowboy did what he was told and drew his gun and shot a cufflink off the piano player. "This is really helping me. Is there anything else you can share with me?" "One more thing," said the old man. "Get that can of axle grease over there in the corner and rub it all over your gun." The young Cowboy didn't hesitate but started putting the grease on the barrel of his gun. "No, the whole gun, handle and everything," said the old man. "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" "No," said the old man, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing that piano he's going to shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much!"