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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (21984)	1/9/2002 10:40:41 AM
From: TimF	Respond to of 62558

DID YOU EVER WANT TO WEAR A BUTTON THAT SAID: Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. Do I look like a people person? I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. If I throw a stick, will you leave? You! Off my planet! Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose. Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control. Bottomless pit of needs and wants. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way! If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat. Does your train of thought have a caboose? Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil ... A PBS mind in a MTV world. Allow me to introduce my selves. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. Better living through denial. Whatever kind of look you were going for - you missed. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them. Adult child of alien invaders. Do they ever shut up on your planet? I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes? Back off! You're standing in my aura. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. Don't worry ... I forgot your name, too. Adults are just kids who owe money. How many times do I have to flush before you go away? I have a computer and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? I work 40 hours a week to be this poor. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? Too many freaks, not enough circuses. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic except for my friends deep inside the earth. Earth is full. Go home. Is it time for your medication or mine? I plead contemporary insanity. And which dwarf are you? I refuse to star in your psychodrama. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks. How do I set a laser printer to stun? Meandering to a different drummer. I'm not tense - just terribly, terribly alert. I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?