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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: maxdugan2000 who wrote (22003)	1/10/2002 4:33:10 PM
From: Karen Lawrence	Respond to of 62558

"Whoosh" is the sound irony makes as it flies past your empty head. One you might get: My dog, Minton, just ate two of my expensive shuttlecocks! "Bad Minton!"

To: maxdugan2000 who wrote (22003)	1/10/2002 5:00:52 PM
From: Karen Lawrence	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Fretty punny jokes...What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in France? Linoleum blownapart. A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc." A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge." Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned. This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. He asks the waiter, "What's with the fancy plate?" The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!" Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!" Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie. Sign at a nudist camp: Sorry - Clothed for Winter. Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. Drilling for oil is boring. A criminal wrote a book that explained how he couldn't have committed the crime, his alibiography. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank–proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too. My teacher always said double negatives are "a real 'no-no'".