EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you
aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why,
officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
___________________________________
OVERWEIGHT BLONDE
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat
regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two
weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds" When
the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead
that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from all that skipping."
______________________
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another
blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second blonde
looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the
other side."
_____________________
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
yelled, "PULLOVER!"
"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
________________
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
night!"
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SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just
yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it
to you!"
___________
THE VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled
the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are
in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
_____________________
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of
"yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares
at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking
the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails. Within half an hour
she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During
the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering
and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going
on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."
_____________________
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to
kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a
little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped
your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in
the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde" She pinned the note inside
the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning,
she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big
oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following
note... "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this
to another!"
____________________
NOT BLONDE, but . .
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that
ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in
zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass
and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used
a pencil. |
