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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: 99Dan who wrote (22455)	2/9/2002 4:54:29 PM
From: beachbum	Respond to of 62558

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk. Communism: You have two cows. You must take care of them. The government takes all the milk. Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull...retire, living on the income. Enron: You have two cows. You borrow 80% of the forward value of the two cows from your bank then buy another cow with 5% down and the rest financed by the seller on a note callable if your market cap goes below $20B at a rate 2 times prime. You now sell three cows to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at a second bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more and this transaction process is upheld by your independent auditor and Balance Sheet provided with the press release that announces that Enron as a major owner of cows will begin trading cows via the Internet site WhentheCowsComeHome.com.

To: 99Dan who wrote (22455)	2/10/2002 1:45:16 AM
From: Ian@SI	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

The Vacation Surprise A synagogue honors its Rabbi for a quarter-century of service by sending him to Hawaii on a well-deserved vacation, all expenses paid. The President of the synagogue decides that in addition to the trip, the Rabbi should have fun and he makes arrangements to have a call-girl available for the Rabbi at all times. When the Rabbi walks into his hotel room, there is this nude young girl lying on the bed and she informs the Rabbi that she is his at any time during his vacation. The Rabbi, stunned and extremely embarrassed, demands to know who arranged this little situation, and of course, the girl is compelled to tell him. The Rabbi immediately picks up the phone, calls the synagogue, and gets through to the President of the congregation. 'Where is your respect'? he growls. 'How could you do something like this?' 'I must be held in high esteem by each and every member of this congregation. As your Rabbi, I am very, very angry with you!' As he continues to berate the President, the girl rises sheepishly from the bed, not wanting to further embarrass the Rabbi. As she stands, the Rabbi says 'Where the hell you going? ....I'm not mad at you!'