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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Stang who wrote (22515)	2/15/2002 6:30:56 PM
From: Stang	Respond to of 62549

Subject: A man's code 1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat" 2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. 4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence. 5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLS*T. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent) 7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever. 8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. 9. Btching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable. 10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional. 11. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response. 12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it. 13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean. 14. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just friends" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to do it again before the two of you have that discussion about what a big mistake it was. 15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. 16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. 17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's significant dick-heads --- low-level sports bonding is all the law requires. 18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood. 20. It is permissible to consume a fruity tourist drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free. Stang