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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (22539)	2/18/2002 8:25:21 PM
From: sandintoes	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Okay, Karen along the same line as sophomoric quotes.... I give you hilarious, in their own mind, quotes. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. ---------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. ---------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ---------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." ---------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ---------------------------------------- Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. ---------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ---------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. -------------------------------------- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ---------------------------------------- I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her. --------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ---------------------------------------- Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering. ---------------------------------------- Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" ---------------------------------------- In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. ------------------------------------------ Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ---------------------------------------- A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower." ---------------------------------------- Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son. ---------------------------------------- A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." ---------------------------------------- The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. ---------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (22539)	2/20/2002 2:50:52 PM
From: AJ Berger	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Life Before the Computer An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy You hoped nobody found out! Compress was something you did to garbage Not something you did to a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for awhile! Log on was adding wood to a fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your commode! Cut - you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a spider's home And a virus was the flu! I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my head I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash But when it happens they wish they were dead!