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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MrsNose who wrote (22816)	3/11/2002 10:57:34 AM
From: MrsNose	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

12-Step Internet Recovery Program: 1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet. 2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing. 3) I will get dressed before noon. 4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet. 5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived. 6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet. 7) I will read a book...if I still remember how. 8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet. 9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email. 10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not. 11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet. 12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime ... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow! ******** Top 10 reasons to Blame someone Else 10. It's so easy. 9. You're in enough trouble already. 8. You're a right freak. 7. One of your philosophy's is: There's a sucker born - you know the rest. 6. You've reached your nice guy limit (and that doesn't take much). 5. Figure everyone else does it. 4. Keeps you from checking into the looney farm 3. You belong to the Perfect People Club 2. Allows someone else to take the heat. 1. It feels so much better. Things for your ToDo List - lose weight - quit smoking - start exercising - save some money - get a better job - clean the junk drawer - read more - sail around the world - write a bestseller And most important - make a shorter todo list

To: MrsNose who wrote (22816)	3/12/2002 1:04:32 AM
From: Tomato	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

> An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The > doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the > eye > and > said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be > cured. > You'd best put your affairs in order." > > O'Malley was shocked and saddened. But, being of solid character, he > managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the > waiting room. To > his son who had been waiting, O'Malley said, "Well son, we Irish > celebrate > when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In > this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer. Let's head for the pub > and > have a few pints." > > After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were > some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of > O'Malley's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. > > O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went > on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his > friends, "I have been diagnosed with AIDS." > > The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more > beers. After his friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered > his > confusion. > > "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer? You just told > your friends that you were dying from AIDS!" > > O'Malley said, "I don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after > I'm gone."