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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (23652)5/23/2002 8:23:31 AM
From: Doug Coughlan  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 62558
 
It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research they are proud to present the results.
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent: Calories....................... 12
Without her consent: Calories.................... 287
REMOVING HER PANTIES:
Lying down im bed: Calories...................... 18
In the back seat of a Lincoln: Calories.......... 25
In the back seat of a Mini: Calories............. 154
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands: Calories ...................... 8
With one hand: Calories ......................... 12
With your teeth: Calories........................ 85
PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris: Calories............ 8
Trying to find the G-Spot: Calories.............. 92
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection: Calories....................... 6
Without an erection Calories.................... 315
POSITIONS:
Missionary: Calories............................ 12
69 lying down: Calories......................... 78
69 standing up: Calories........................ 112
Wheelbarrow: Calories........................... 216
Doggy Style: Calories........................... 326
Italian chandelier: Calories .................... 912
69 standing up in a hammock: Calories ..........5,937
ORGASMING:
Real Calories: ................................. 112
Fake Calories: ................................. 315
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging: Calories................... 18
Getting up immediately Calories ................. 36
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years old: Calories ....................... 36
30-39 years: Calories ........................... 80
40-49 years: Calories ........................... 124
50-59 years: Calories ........................... 972
60-69 years: Calories ...........................2916
70 and over: Results are still pending
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly: Calories ................................ 32
In a hurry: Calories ............................. 98
With her father knocking at the door............. 1218
With your wife knocking at the door............. 3521
And for those of you that do all of the above:
That's completing the sex marathon 10k.
__________________________________________________



To: Barney who wrote (23652)5/23/2002 1:38:56 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 62558
 
I'm not short I'm vertically challenged and overweight people aren't fat they're horizontally challenged.


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