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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Doug Coughlan who wrote (23710)	5/30/2002 7:53:30 AM
From: MrsNose	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62543

Signs of Individuality ----------------------- When Dilbert takes over the world, the first thing he'll do is make it illegal for Individuals to make signs. Until then, enjoy these sightings. --- Two adjacent businesses near our house had their signs arranged in an unfortunate way: "Woodlawn Cemetery" "Self-storage" --- Our local teriyaki joint had a great lunch special the other day: "$3.99 Chicken Bowel!" --- Outside of Mitchell, South Dakota, there was a billboard advertising a garage with "24-hour Toe Service" I always thought it was nice that in a small town like Mitchell, you could get a pedicure any time, day or night. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ True Quotes From Individuals ----------------------------- Here are more true quotes submitted by DNRC members. Most of these are from managers. As you will see, Individuals continue to be confused by critters, nature and body parts. --- "She's not the brightest tree in the forest." --- "We've got lower-hanging fish to fry." --- "We've got to nix this thing in the bud." --- During a recent sales meeting, our pointy-haired sales director told us that we were on track to achieving our sales goals and we could almost see "...the light at the end of the rainbow." I almost shot coffee out my nose. --- "If you can't get those parts in time, that'll really put a wrinkle in your feather." --- "'Usually' only counts in horseshoes." --- "You're trying to move a mountain with a molehill." --- "Too many cooks in the pot." --- "I wouldn't trust them with a nine foot pole." --- "I'm going to sweep this mess under the floor." --- "You're getting too clever for your own boots!" --- "Then I figured that something was rotten in Denver." --- My supervisor stated that another manager had him in her "shorthairs." --- "Open your mouth and shut your ears when I'm talking to you." --- "He couldn't find his way out of a paper bag if it bit him." --- "They dropped the apple cart, now it's up to us to get it back on the tracks." --- "That didn't work out, so I guess we're just AOL. " (America On Line or AWOL - Absent Without Leave) --- "We'll be done by the schedule date, maybe later." --- "He turned beet white." --- "We are going to have to put all our oars in the fire for this project." --- "You know...you can't skin two cats with one bird..." --- "Our unemployed are working fewer and fewer hours!" --- "That really throws a monkey at the wrench..." --- "Let's get right down to the gnat's meow." ---- If at first you don't succeed you are about to get a lot of advice.