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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (23835)	6/14/2002 1:24:33 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I said to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." --- Jack Handy

To: Barney who wrote (23835)	6/14/2002 2:20:54 AM
From: Sultan	Respond to of 62550

Not sure if any of this has been posted here or not... Thank God for the fearless Jewish writers and comedians. Here are some, not always new, of the best schmonces: - The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now. - There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie? A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes." Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence. Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? A: Under the vacuum cleaner. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? A: (Sigh) "Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody." Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go. When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis." A man calls his mother in Florida and says, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak." The son says, "Why are you so weak?" She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call." A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful. What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part." > Short summary of every Jewish Holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied. Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow"