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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (23859)	6/17/2002 9:50:01 PM
From: sandintoes	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker's Soul Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I said to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." * Jack Handy I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. * Frank Sinatra The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. * William Butler Yeats Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. * Catherine Zandonella Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. * Anonymous A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. * W.C. Fields What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? * Tee Mans When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. * Henny Youngman Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. * Michelle Mastrolacasa I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a Frontal lobotomy. * Tom Waits 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? * Stephen Wright You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. * Frank Zappa Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. * Winston Churchill Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. * Benjamin Franklin If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. * Deep Thought, Jack Handy Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. * Dave Barry The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. Humphrey Bogart Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. Kaiser Wilhelm You know you're drunk when you fall off the floor. * Anonymous And God said, "Let there be beer!" And He saw that it was good. Then God said, "Let there be light!" And then He said, "Whoa - too much light." Anonymous You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Dean Martin Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1842! * Anonymous To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support group. * Anonymous