friday funnies...
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the
same day, were led down to the room in which they
would their maker. The priest had given them last rites,
the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a
final prayer had been said among the participants.
The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked,
"Son, do you have a last request?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could
you please play the Macarena for me one last time?"
"Certainly," replied the warden.
He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about
you, son? What is your final request?"
"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."
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FATAL THINGS TO SAY IF YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT
"I finished the Oreos."
"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid
weighs forty pounds."
"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela
Lee had a baby."
"I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay like that!"
"Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super
Bowl."
"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
"Get your own ice cream."
"Got milk?"
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Austin Powers Pick up lines
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.
2. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt)....Let's get you out of these wet
clothes.
3. Nice legs...what time do they open?
4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
5. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
7. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking
to you.
8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have
you seen one?
9. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
10. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
11. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you
all day long for a quarter.
12. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
13. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
14. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
15. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light
switch away.
16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for
that thing you do with your tongue.
18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
19. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
20. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
21. F@#! me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?
22. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
23. My name is Austin ... remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
24. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
25. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
26. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute."
27. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
28. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.
29. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
30. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we
could do it in public.
31. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?
32. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.
33. Do you sleep on your stomach? no..........? Can I???
34. Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them.
35. I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this
cheap motel room.
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Two drunks walk out of a bar to see a dog across the street
licking his balls.
First drunk , " I wish I could do that". Second drunk , "You
better pet him first to make sure he's friendly."
-------------------
A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly,
also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the
evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet.
"Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the
army," the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on
again fast."
Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly
entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes,
gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other
side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom
and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."
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stoopid joke of the week...
How do you catch a bra?
Set a boobie trap.
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hope your weekend was great...
good fortune...
pops
Copyright Stock Den Digest© 2002 |
