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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (24362)	8/10/2002 7:41:52 PM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62551

INVESTMENT VOCABULARY EBITDA: Earnings Before I Tricked Damned Auditor EBIT: Earnings Before Irregularities & Tampering CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer NAV: Normal Anderson Valuation FRS: Fantasy Reporting Standards P/E: Parole Entitlement EPS: Eventual Prison Sentence Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. Bear Market: A 6 - 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. Momentum Investing: The fine art of buying high and selling low. Value Investing:The are of buying low and selling lower. P/E Ratio:The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. Broker:What my broker has made me. "BUY-BUY": A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the airplane. Standard & Poor: My life in a nutshell. Stock Analyst:Idiot who just downgraded your stock. Stock Split:When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. Financial Planner: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes. Market Correction:The day after you buy stocks. Cash Flow:The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. Yahoo:What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240.per share. Windows 2000:What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo at $240./share. Institutional Investor:Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house. Profit:Religious guy who talks to God.

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (24362)	8/13/2002 2:07:24 PM
From: Karen Lawrence	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62551

LIfe imitates art. Remember Woody Allens Bananas. The Spanish dictator gets into power and ludicrously mandates the official language of the country will be Swedish, all citizens age 16 and under are now 16, and underwear will be changed twice a day. To check on that, underwear will be worn on the outside. Well, check out what the ruler of Turkmenistan told his citizenry; Turkmenistan Postpones Old Age AP ^ Posted on 08/13/2002 10:56 AM Pacific by Dallas ASHGABAT, Turkmenistan (AP) - Turkmenistan's president issued a decree Tuesday that extends adolescence until age 25 and postpones old age until 85, well beyond the life-span of the average Turkmen man or woman. Saparmurat Niyazov's edict, published in the national newspaper "Neutral Turkmenistan," divides life into 12-year cycles. According to the edict, childhood lasts until age 12. Next comes adolescence which will not last to age 25. Turkmen aged between 25 and 37 are considered youthful, while those aged between 27 and 49 years are mature. The next 12-year cycles are divided into periods labeled as prophetic, inspirational and wise. Niyazov, who turned 62 this year, would be in his inspirational period. Old age begins at age 85, while Turkmen who reach age 97 enter a period named for Oguzkhan, considered the founder of the Turkmen nation, who died at age 109. According to the World Health Organization , the average life expectancy at birth for Turkmen men is 60; it is 65 for women. Niyazov has built an elaborate cult of personality in his impoverished former Soviet republic, with cities and a meteorite named after himself and his portrait gracing the currency and nearly all public buildings. Last week, he proposed that months of the year be renamed, including January, which he said should be named after him.