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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (24463)	8/19/2002 9:54:21 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62552

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (24463)	8/20/2002 1:25:55 AM
From: Guardian	Respond to of 62552

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. --Jack Handey Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. --Jack Handey Deep Thoughts I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone. --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic. --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank"and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind. --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact. --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like now. --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff. --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way. --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared. --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts