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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (24568)	8/26/2002 1:44:00 PM
From: Doug Coughlan	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WIVES 1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you. 2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs. 3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it. 4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 5. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long. 6. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 7. A dog's parents never visit. 8. Dogs do not hate their bodies. 9. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 10. Dogs like you when you stink. 11. Dogs seldom outlive you. 12. Dogs can't talk. 13. Dogs enjoy petting in public. 14. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24-hours a day. 15. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. 16. Dogs like to go hunting. 17. Another man will seldom steal your dog. 18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you. 19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died would you get another dog?" 20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free. 21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. 22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert. 23. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car. 24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad, they just think it's interesting. 25. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater. 26. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives. 27. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep. 28. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck. 29. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdales or Neiman-Marcus. 30. If a dog leaves, it won't take half your suff.

To: Barney who wrote (24568)	8/27/2002 2:22:34 AM
From: Tomato	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

Couldn't find this in an Urban Legends search, but it sure sounds like one... Only in the Great State of Texas.......... Super Granny: Defender of Justice (True Story) An elderly Texas lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags, drew her handgun, proceeded to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car, which looked just like the car she had mistaken for hers, parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant, to whom she told the story, nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where four males were reporting a car-jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and curly white hair, carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.