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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Carragher who wrote (24579)	8/27/2002 7:51:04 AM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62556

Celebrity's Stupid Quotes Chicago Cubs outfielder, Andre Dawson, on being a role model: "I wan' all them kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." New Orleans Saint RB, George Rogers, when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." And, years ago, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,", Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like MEN. He lets us wear earrings." Football commentator and former quarterback, Joe Theismann, in l996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it it." Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." Coach of the former Houston Oilers, Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too dadgum ugly to kiss good-bye." ..................and personal favorites................................... Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'" Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A & M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."