FOREIGN DEBT AND POLITICAL THIEVES
THOSE LOWLIFE "THIEVING BASTARDS"
By: William Kaliher
Dear Senators and Representatives:
Until yesterday, I was one of those Americans who had complete faith in the integrity, knowledge, honesty and fairness of our elected officials. Because of this delusion, I recently had a problem. A bank visit enlightened me. Fortunately, I have a solution to this unfair condition that has long plagued Americans. I'm certain you'll want to hear it. First, I'd like to define a person that steals money from another person via my perspective. I call such lowlife scum, "thieving bastards." Most of the Presidents in my lifetime have been thieving bastards. In fact, many Senators and Congressmen have been, and still are thieving bastards.
Why would I categorize elected officials in such an ignoble manner? Obviously, a list of the stealing, via extra and non-Constitutional means, you people do is too extensive for a single article. For that reason, I'm focusing on foreign debt forgiven by various Presidents during my life. This may be difficult for you to follow, but when money was taxed from me and loaned to another country, I expected that money back. Surprise, surprise! Various thieving bastard Presidents forgave many foreign debts. I realize it's only a few billion dollars here and there. It doesn't mean much to most of you. But remember, I don't have the opportunity to kite checks against bottomless government accounts or sell stamps given to me for another purpose. Nor do I have the opportunity for unique business deals as the Clinton's had with Whitewater, or Senator McCain and the other Keating crooks had with the S&L scam to enrich the well-connected few. No, those billions of dollars actually add up to real money in my mind. And you'd be amazed concerning those Presidents that gave away our money. None of them sent me a telegram saying, "Hey, Kaliher, your part of this tax money we lent came to four grand. I'd like your permission to give it away." Not a single one of those thieving bastards asked me. Now, I know which of you Congressmen and Senators weren't thieving bastards. I know, because you stood up and told each benevolent President, "Hey, you'll be a thieving bastard if you give away Kaliher's money."
If you guys will get together and do right for once, you can make people, ranging from hard-right conservatives to slimy Greenies, happy. It wouldn't surprise me to see the head of the Libertarian party holding hands with a dope-smoking, pimple faced ELF member, and singing "Kumbaya" for a few days. Mainstream Republican voters would toss one back in your honor while Democrat's turned cartwheels. There would be no end to the celebration on American shores.
You'll need to think back to a time when you were like a normal American. That was a time when you weren't above the law. I realize it is difficult to do, once you're in office and feel you have a licence to steal. Still, you'll need to be in a normal frame of mind, to grasp the logic of this solution and the reality regular Americans face.
I recently went to the bank and asked for a five-thousand dollar loan. Mr. Usury explained I'd have to put up something called collateral for security. I said, "You mean like my home I've spent thirty years paying off?"
For an instant, Mr. Usury reminded me of a salivating coyote circling a crippled chick before he said, "Yes, just sign here," and slid a thirty-eight page agreement before me.
"And if I get sick and can't pay?" I asked.
"Well, Kaliher, in that case, we'd repossess your home."
"Mr. Usury, the Presidents of the United States forgive foreign debts every day. You couldn't just forgive my debt and leave me my home if I couldn't work?"
"Kaliher, we're a different breed of thieving bastards. You need to quit confusing reality with American politics."
Now Senators and Congressmen, if you're still with me, perhaps you see what I'm driving at. It could be that, as an American citizen, you don't think I'm as good as a South African, Egyptian, Chinese, Israeli or Brazilian. However, I wish you'd reconsider and study Mr. Usury's method of collecting on loans. It would make me feel a hell of a lot better, and would be great for the United States, if you applied the same rules to foreigners you apply to us. Please find below a few suggestions:
1. Stop all foreign aide not secured by collateral.
2. When loans are made, have the borrowing country sign over land, oil wells, mineral rights or other valuables as collateral.
A. The land should be areas we can access and that border another country. Land locked countries could not receive loans unless access was somehow guaranteed.
B. The land would be American property until the loan was repaid.
C. The borrowing country would have to pay for all improvements the United States made to re-acquire their land.
3. To obtain a new loan, secured by the foreign nation's land, at least twenty percent of previous unpaid loans would have to be tied to the new loan and secured by property.
4. If a loan was not repaid, the collateral would become permanent property of the United States.
5. There would be concrete reasons for a foreign nation to institute good economic plans and actually repay Uncle Sam instead of sneering at Uncle Sucker.
I realize many of you elected officials would be sad to think England had to put up the crown jewels, but I wouldn't give a Utica hot-damn. I don't think a Brit is one bit more important than any American. It might do the Queen good to wear a dime store tiara for a while. So, if you'll dry your eyes a moment, you'll see some of the other benefits to America.
1. If we needed a military base, we would have the land for it on most other nation's soil.
2. If we held land bordering, for example, Brazil and Venezuela this would mean millions of acres of rain forest could be left undisturbed. Think about the secondary benefits a moment. The Greenies could quit sweating global warming so much, knowing at least one piece of undisturbed rain forest would be in place. It would lessen their horrors and they could believe global temperature would level off at 109 degrees Fahrenheit at worse. The PETA members could stop picketing to save the ebola virus and celebrate that the snakes and jungle cockroaches would be safe from evil mankind.
3. Regular Americans would get a break from the environmental idiots and the wildfires hitting our nation, thanks to their so-called environmental policies. Americans would be able to manage their forests properly, while America's Greenies increased the dangers of fire in other parts of the globe. Unfortunately, the needless deaths resulting from Greenie environmentalism, would probably kill off several jungle tribes and scorch the heck out of a lot of endangered species if not completely eradicating them. (Keep in mind a project of this type may kill off the Greenies. If they don't completely destroy the flora and fauna first, the local Indians may shrink their heads. Amazingly, if the head hunters could shrink everything except their brains this would finally provide them proportional skull sizes. Should they survive the Indians, my guess is, when they try petting army ants they'll be eaten. Once they're removed by whatever means, the jungle can then be clear cut and the land made to serve a useful purpose.)
4. Additional benefits would be: people south of the border could marvel over toilets that actually flushed paper. If we erected a two story building on the African continent, they could then claim to have a working elevator.
I'm not a hundred percent certain, but I believe the foreign debt scam works something like the following:
1. We have Presidents, Senators, Congressmen, heads of big media and Corporate leaders all involved in a loose scheme of washing one another's hands.
2. Let's see, does it go something like this?
A. Our politicians decide to loan Dictator A five billion dollars, claiming we're giving it to his country to help the peasants and distribute rubbers in their schools.
B. But we know, fifty percent will go into Dictator A's secret bank accounts.
C. And we know, Dictator A is actually a swell guy and won't bank all his fifty percent. He'll lavish some of that cash on us when we enjoy one of our other perks, hilariously referred to as a "fact finding mission."
D. And we know, he'll gladly entertain any of our family and partners, silent and otherwise, we send to his country out of the paltry bit of the loan he's confiscated for himself.
E. Not only will we and our family and friends not be exposed to the squalor and filth of his country, but we'll be wined and dinned in the finest hotels and enjoy the private beaches and other play areas that are always riffraff free.
–But is this all we know?
Hardly!
We also know:
F. Dictator A will also spend half the five billion dollars on purchasing new tanks or some other items we've previously agreed on.
G. We know Dictator A will purchase those tanks from Corporation X.
H. Surprisingly, our friends and relatives make up a good percentage of the management and board of directors of corporation X.
I. And even more surprisingly, we or our agents will buy handily undervalued stock in corporation X before Dictator A makes his order and the stock quadruples in value.
I'm guessing I have this figured out pretty well. I'm guessing, Saddam Hussain became more evil by the day once he quit playing the game with America's corporate masters. I'm wondering if he wasn't ensuring the Bush or Gore families were gaining enough through their oil holdings. Noriega got taken out for not splitting the drug money to suit everyone. Saddam, our former pal and arms buyer, shouldn't have gotten greedy. Now a lot of his people have to die to get the split concerning the bloody kickback money aligned correctly again.
Like I said earlier elected officials, "you have to start thinking like a normal American to understand." I recognize thieving bastards when I see them. I pray I'm alive when the American public awakens. You better pray someone like me isn't in charge at that time for the Spanish Inquisitors would appear to have been involved in child's play compared to what I'd do to American traitors who leech their countrymen. Tell your children, grandchildren and the thieves that helped you loot America to enjoy their prosperity now. This is important for if it's someone like me that holds your reckoning, they won't have underpants to wear once your families fortunes have been retaken to repay the people whose sweat and labor you've stolen.
"Published originally at EtherZone.com : republication allowed with this notice and hyperlink intact."
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William Kaliher is a free-lance political columnist and a staff writer for the Ether Zone.
He can be reached at wkaliher@mindspring.com
Published in the September 4, 2002 issue of Ether Zone.
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