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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tomato who wrote (24633)	9/2/2002 2:50:00 PM
From: Tomato	Respond to of 62592

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the salesclerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" > "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, > feeling really happy. > After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29.? "I am actually 47.? This makes him feel really good. > > While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same > question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But > when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my > hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be > able to tell your exact age." As there was no one around, the man > thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten > minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47." > Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" > The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds." How is Kentucky Fried Chicken like sex? Well, after your done with the leg and the breast, you still have a greasy box to put your bone in. Two friends are sitting at a bar. One turns to the other and asks, "Say, have you ever talked to someone and you meant to say one thing but something else actually comes out of your mouth?" His buddy replies, "I don't follow. What do you mean?" First guy says, "Well, I was at the airport this morning and the woman behind the counter was a gorgeous blonde. She had the biggest rack you've ever seen. I meant to ask her if I could purchase two tickets to Pittsburg. Instead, I said, "Could I purchase two pickets to Titsburg." Second guy says, "Oh sure. In fact that happened to me this morning. I came down for breakfast and there sat my wife at the table. She had curlers in her hair, was wearing a torn robe and dog chewed slippers, had no makeup, bags under her eyes, and a cigarette dangling from her lips. I meant to say, "Good morning sweatheart! May I have a cup of coffee?" but instead I said, "BITCH, you've ruined my life!". what's the favorite gay chinese food? kum sum yung Gai. the favorite lesbian food? chu sum twat- jeffrey dahmers favorite? hed sum ded gai I went to a bulimics convention and saw a cake come out of a girl. What did the Zen monk say to the NYC hot-dog vendor? "Make me one with everything!"