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Pastimes : My House -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Original Mad Dog who wrote (2041)	10/3/2002 1:54:26 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 7689

Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.? Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A lawyer walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender looked up and noticed what looked like a frog growing out of the side of the side of the lawyer’s head. The bartender looked at the lawyer and said "Oh, my goodness -- how did such an awful thing happen?" Before the lawyer could say anything, the frog spoke up and said, "Well, it started off as a small wart on my fanny and it grew into this awful thing." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common? Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a lawyer. Each was asked this question during their interview: “How much is two plus two?” -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How can you tell a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “I decided law was the exact opposite of sex; even when it was good it was lousy.” -- Mortimer Zuckerman -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A mathematician, an economist, and a lawyer were asked "How much is two plus two?" The mathematician answered immediately, “Four.” The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, “Four, plus or minus one.” Finally the lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, “How much do you want it to be?” [NOTE: This joke is also told about accountants. We have many current examples ilustrating why.]