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Pastimes : My House -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Original Mad Dog who wrote (2238)	10/6/2002 3:05:18 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Respond to of 7689

he was the only hardcore nonbeliever among us who took the test..... I'll fix that. I sent the test to Solon. :-)

To: Original Mad Dog who wrote (2238)	10/7/2002 1:28:41 AM
From: Lazarus_Long	Respond to of 7689

I got your irreverence for you right here, buddy! From centuries past, when barristers and solicitors did not mix: Once, in Dublin, a solicitor came up to a barrister to beg a subscription towards the funeral expenses of a brother solicitor who had died in distressed circumstances. The barrister at once tendered a pound note. "Oh, I only want a shulling from each contributor" said the solicitor. "Take it, my dear fellow," replied the barrister. "And while you're at it, bury twenty of them!" ................................................................................................................................................................ The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. A local volunteer calls to solicite his donation, saying "our research shows that even though your annual income is over a million dollars, you do not give one penny to charity! Wouldn't you like to give back to your community through The United Way?" The lawyer thinks for a moment and says: "First, did your research show that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh, no." "Secondly, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?" The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology but is cut off. "Thirdly, that my sister's husband died in a dreadful traffic accident", the lawyers voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children?" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says simply, "I had no idea." The lawyer then says"...and if I don't give any money to THEM, why should I give any to you?" ................................................................................................................................................................ ONE OF MY FAVORITES: A lawyer finds out he has an inoperable brain tumor. It's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains. There's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff! How come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?" ................................................................................................................................................................ ANOTHER: "You're a high-priced lawyer! If I give you $500, will you answer two questions for me?" "Absolutely! What's the second question?"