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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (25101)	10/8/2002 12:00:31 PM
From: Tomato	Respond to of 62558

Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? It changes their blood type. ** A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering. The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you." "Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour." "Show me," said the interviewer. So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - ribbed, flavoured, colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking. The interviewer said, "That's amazing, but I don't think we could employ someone who'd be womanizing all over the country." "Excuse me!" exclaimed the man, "I'm a happily married man, not a womanizer!" "Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer. The man replied, "Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?" ***** A miracle drug is one that has now the same price as last year. ****** A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?" The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!" ****** A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says "OK," and goes to the pharmacy to buy three Dramamine and three condoms. Next day, the agent calls back and says he now can book a five-day cruise. The guy says he'll take it. Returns to the same pharmacy and buys two more Dramamine and two more condoms. The following day, the travel agent calls again and says he can now book an eight-day cruise. Guy says, "OK," and goes back to the pharmacy and asks for three more Dramamine and three more condoms. Finally, the pharmacist asks, "Look, if it makes you sick, how come you keep doing it?" *** This Indian goes into a drug store and tells the pharmacist that he has too many youngins. He asks if there is anything he can take for it. The pharmacist puts some rubbers on the counter and says try these. The Indian leaves happy. The next day, the Indian walks up to the counter and throws the remaining rubbers at the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks what happened. The Indian just looks at him and says, "Left nut go UGH. Right nut go UGH. Rubber go BANG!!" The pharmacist looks suprised and gets some extra heavy duty Trojans and hands them to him and suggests he try these. The next day, the Indian comes back in and throws the remaining rubbers at the pharmacist. The suprised pharmacist asks what happened this time? The Indian just looks at him and says, "Left nut go UGH. Right nut go UGH. Rubber go BANG!" The pharmacist thinks for a while. He says wait here and I'll be right back. He goes out back and gets an old Tire tube and sews a rubber out of it. He gives this to the Indian and says to try it. The Indian looks at it and agrees it will work. The next day, the Indian comes into the store moaning and limping! The pharmacist goes up to him and helps him to a seat. He then asks the Indian what happened. The Indian looks at him and says, "Left nut go UGH! RUBBER go UGH! RIGHT NUT GO _BANG_!!!" ^^^^^^^^ A man walks into a drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" "You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist. "That's it, I can never remember that word."

To: Barney who wrote (25101)	10/8/2002 12:36:02 PM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Blonde Cookbook MONDAY It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY: Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY: Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY: This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.