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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Carragher who wrote (25611)	11/22/2002 9:58:04 AM
From: David Lawrence	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

LIFE'S OBSERVATIONS: 1. Food has replaced sex in my life; now I can't even get into my own pants. 2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content. 3. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative. 4. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said, "Implants?" 5. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast. 6. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..." 7. I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here. 8. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 9. I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner. 10. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? 11. I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected. 12. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value. 13. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours & shitheads. 14. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. 15. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a couple of bucks at the bowling alley. 16. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect. 17. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? 18. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? 19. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? 20. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."