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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (25710)	12/3/2002 3:11:20 AM
From: Richnorth	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

TWO FOR THE ROAD The Israeli police were looking for a man named Joseph, wanted for looting in the port city of Haifa. The suspect was described as the son of a Barcelona ex-nun and a German father. He was a former flutist, and he worked occasionally as a farmer. In short, he was "A Haifa-lootin', flutin' Teuton, son-of-a-nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe." -------------------------------------------- Two elderly ladies are walking through a zoo. They come across the gorillas, and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The elderly ladies are fascinated by this. One of the women just can't Bear it any longer and she reaches into the cage to touch it. Suddenly, the gorilla grabs her, drags her into the cage and mates with her for six hours nonstop! When he's done, the gorilla throws the woman back out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the woman is taken away to the hospital. A few days later her friend visits her and asks: "Are you hurt?" "Am I hurt?" she answers. "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called, he hasn't written..."

To: Barney who wrote (25710)	12/4/2002 8:51:00 PM
From: Proud_Infidel	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

George Carlin's View on Aging Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions." How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21\| YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 . . . and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!