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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: sandintoes who wrote (25904)	12/19/2002 10:01:24 PM
From: calgal	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Leno URL:http://www.newsmax.com/liners.shtml How many guys still have a lot of shopping to do? Guys, those Chia Pets are looking like pretty good gifts right now. McDonald’s announced for the first time in its history, it will post a quarterly loss. That’s when you know things are bad – when McDonald’s stockholders can’t afford to eat at McDonald’s anymore. Congratulations to Shaq. According to the L.A. Times, later this month Shaq is getting married. The sad news – it could he his only chance to get another ring this year. Letterman Everyone is feeling Christmas-y right now. Well, today I got a card from the White House. I was surprised to even be on the list. But the card is really great; it’s a wonderful scene with the Three Wise Men being chased by a Predator Drone. Happy Birthday today to Keith Richards! He turned 59 today. He had a big party and it went well until some poorly chosen words were spoken by Trent Lott. For the first time in history McDonald’s is losing money. Well, how can this be, I was thinking. People love chewy meat and leathery hamburgers with bright lights. How can they be losing money? We keep learning more and more about Saddam Hussein. Did you know he has a copy of the Koran that is written in his own blood? It’s written in his own blood! How about that – it’s just the same as my contract here at CBS. Conan We have an excellent show tonight; everyone is in the holiday spirit. Even at the White House they are in the spirit. This is a true story. Today at the White House, President Bush read "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" to a group of schoolchildren. Actually, it just happened on accident when the kids walked in while the president was reading. He even had the CliffsNotes. Patrick Stewart, the actor who plays Jon Luc Pickard in the "Star-Trek" movies, said this week that not all "Star-Trek" fans are obsessive nerds. Yeah, he went on to say, some are compulsive weenies. And finally, in Virginia a man dressed in a Santa outfit robbed a drug store, taking a lot of painkillers. The police say the man is armed and extremely jolly.