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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Barney who wrote (26079)1/2/2003 2:27:21 AM
From: Barney  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 62567
 
Subject: 25 things you should know by the time you'er middle-age

1.If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils; pick the one you've never tried before.

6. The best way to do housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture; you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going away than coming towards you.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years only to throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet; they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.



To: Barney who wrote (26079)1/2/2003 11:18:50 AM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.  Respond to of 62567
 
"Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks."

Changing the locks isn't even enough, I'd do what Lucinda did..

I changed the lock on my front door,
I changed the number on my phone.
I changed the kind of car I drive,
I changed the kind of clothes I wear.
I changed the tracks underneath the train,
I changed the name of this town.
I changed the name of this town.
I changed the name of this town.



To: Barney who wrote (26079)1/2/2003 3:53:36 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 62567
 
Nude gymnasts to get key to the city
ananova.com (Includes picture)

Three former Romanian gymnasts who were banned for their nude appearances in a Japanese magazine and adult movie are to be offered the key to the city in Bucharest.

Bucharest Mayor Traian Basescu says he wants to show his support for the girls' gesture of having the courage to do what they want with their lives.

He told the Libertatea newspaper: "I will give the three gymnasts the key to the city of Bucharest, after January 1, as soon as they will be able to come and take it.

"The world must understand their former professional activity and the gesture they recently did are two different things. Now they are allowed to do whatever they wish with their lives."

The former gymnasts, Lavinia Milosovici, Claudia Presecan and Corina Ungureanu, were criticised after they posed naked for a Japanese magazine and filmed in the nude in an adult movie which was broadcast by a private TV network.