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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (26226)	1/14/2003 10:49:25 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62558

Subject: Golf When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~Author Unknown I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. ~Author Unknown I've spent most of my life golfing . The rest I've just wasted. ~Author Unknown They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.~Raymond Floyd My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. ~Pete Dye Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop I'm hitting the woods just great ..... but having a terrible time getting out of them! ~Author Unknown I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators. ~Gerald Ford It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. ~Hank Aaron Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. ~Paul Harvey The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. ~Ernest Hemingway Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~Jack Benny Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards? ~Al Boliska The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~Billy Graham Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing. ~Ben Hogan Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end. ~Chuck Hogan If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~Jack Lemmon I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.~Joe E. Lewis It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~Mark Twain Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose. ~Woodrow Wilson A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible .~Author Unknown Gone golfin' ... be back dark thirty. ~Author Unknown Born to golf. Forced to work. ~Author Unknown My body is here, but my mind has already teed off .~Author Unknown Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~Jimmy DeMaret May thy ball lie in green pastures .... and not in still waters. ~Author Unknown If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. ~Author Unknown The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. ~George Deukmejian Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. ~Author Unknown