A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
==========
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
==========
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
==========
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large letter
on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what
I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
==========
During a patient's two-week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered
what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on
his body! Since this incident, the instructions now include removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
==========
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered, "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was
alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
==========
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I
then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
==========
And finally . . . . . A new, young MD, when doing his residency in OB,
was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his
embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly
burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his
work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I Wish I
Was an Oscar Meyer Wiener." |
