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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: ManyMoose who wrote (26532)	2/8/2003 10:32:43 PM
From: Karen Lawrence	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

The trouble with English... In a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily." In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk." In a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid." In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday." On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for." Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs." In a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation." Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years." In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions." On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it." In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here." In a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run." Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: "English well talking." "Here speeching American." Sign in a hotel corridor in Istanbul: "Please to evacuate in hall especially which is accompanied by rude noises." In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts. At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream. Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways. On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right. In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin. In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages. In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.