Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ian@SI who wrote (26597)	2/13/2003 6:58:20 PM
From: Tomato	Respond to of 62549

My Jewish Computer The Rabbi came over yesterday and we had a bris for my computer, taking a little piece off the tail of the mouse. If you or a friend are considering a kosher computer, you should know that there were some other changes, such as: I had to have two hard drives, one for fleyshedik business software and one for milchedik games. Instead of getting a General Protection Fault error, my PC now gets Ferklempt. The Chanukah screen savers include Flying Dreidels. My PC also shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings. My Start button has been replaced with a "Let's go, I'm not getting any younger button." The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!" Internet Explorer has a spinning Star of David in the upper right corner. I hear Hava Nagila during Startup. Microsoft Office now includes: a little byte of this, and a little byte of that. When running Scandisk, I am prompted with a "You want I should fix this?" message. When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear a loud "Oy Gevalt!". I saw a monitor cleaning solution from Manischewitz that advertises that it gets rid of the "schmutz und drek" on your monitor. After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes Schloffen. Computer viruses can now be cured with some chicken soup with matzo balls. Y2K problems have been eliminated, but the impending problem promises to cause major Tsuris. I didn't get a mouse... I got a yad, which makes sense 'cause apparently I'm not allowed to touch the Scroll bar. It didn't come with a screen saver, it came with an electronic mehitza, which kicks in whenever I access a feminist Web site. When I open AOL, the announcement doesn't say "You've Got Mail". Instead, it says "You don't WRITE, you don't CALL!" I don't have an Option button; instead, it says "On The Other Hand..." I don't get E-mail.... I get Eh-mail. I get all these letters which when I read them, I go "Eh, who cares? When I press Delete or Trash I get a Dialogue Box which says "Listen, you never know, you might need this someday. So Cancel?" When I click on Clean Up Windows, it tells me it doesn't DO windows.It also came with a Shabbos Goy Software Program which automatically turns the hard drive on after sundown, scans the most recent files slowly and prints out during services. For an additional $29.95 it's accompanied by a Chulent CD-ROM.... that slowly surfs the Internet during Shabbos, amassing an assortment of Web sites which then sit in the Browser Cache of my hard drive and stew until after sundown Saturday. And finally, my computer always takes 45 minutes to Shut Down, unless I enter a special anti-separation anxiety command, LOOK, I REALLY GOTTA GO. I PROMISE I'LL CALL.