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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Poet who wrote (26612)2/13/2003 8:14:50 AM
From: rgood2002  Respond to of 62547
 
Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.

"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy. "I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl. When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
"Why are you crying?" asked the girl. The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test."



To: Poet who wrote (26612)2/13/2003 8:51:56 AM
From: JakeStraw  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 62547
 
>>33. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day

No reason why women can't do that also! ;^)



To: Poet who wrote (26612)2/13/2003 11:20:02 AM
From: sandintoes  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 62547
 
A guide to make the transition from bachelor to Significant Other-

1. Put the seat back down when you're done.

2. Never hog the blankets.

3. Don't drink straight from the carton. it's rude (apparently)

4. Roll from the bottom, not squeeze from the middle

5. Turn your own socks right-side-out of you want them washed that way

6. Flatulence does nothing for ‘the mood’

7. Don't clip your toenails in bed

8. Use your own toothbrush

9. Reds are considered darks, not lights

10. No cameras in the bathroom

11. Never belch and pretend that it was a hiccup

12. Never drink all of the OJ 'cept for a few drops and put the pitcher back in the fridge

13. Don't expect a kiss if you ate garlic for lunch

14. Never sit around in underwear only

15. Don't use the last of the TP and then pretend you didn't notice. the same goes for Kleenex, don't leave an empty box sitting there

16. Don't pick your earwigs at the table, and Jesus, don't smell your finger afterwards either

17. Discourage the 'there's still some left' game with the shower soap. go get a new bar when it gets low

Also, a few suggestions to consider.. these are items that don't necessarily fit into the category of ‘things that encourage domestic harmony’ but they can help you keep an edge to your sanity. Thus, for the sake of self-preservation (and by extension, the betterment of the couple), I offer these additional words of wisdom.

1. discourage nagging by answering ‘yes, dear’ to all prompts. the topic of discussion is irrelevant. apply as needed, but be ready to duck.

2. roll over your end of the blankets to retain possession of your share before you fall to sleep.

3. convince your partner that you have bad hearing. ask him or her to repeat the question at intermittent intervals. this strategy will prove to be extremely useful if you ever need to stall for time.

4. make the most of a snoring partner by keeping a bottle of bubbles near your bed. note: you can extend your playtime by applying the bubble wand on the exhale, not the inhale (this also works with a harmonica.. for shorter periods though).



To: Poet who wrote (26612)2/13/2003 12:25:57 PM
From: Canuck Dave  Respond to of 62547
 
38. Same haircut, 1/3 the price.

CD



To: Poet who wrote (26612)2/13/2003 6:47:41 PM
From: Gut Trader  Respond to of 62547
 
You're the Guest of Honor

Subject 53696



To: Poet who wrote (26612)2/13/2003 11:33:15 PM
From: ManyMoose  Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 62547
 
That #37 was quite an advantage back when I worked in the woods. It became a bit of a problem to be discrete when women started working in the woods with us. Quite a few times I would duck behind a bush and a woman would follow thinking I was doing something official!

37. The world is your urinal.