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Pastimes : The Boxing Ring Revived -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: one_less who wrote (5511)	3/12/2003 5:33:53 PM
From: Lane3	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 7720

I don't think anyone does a morbidly obese young woman any favors by telling her she isn't fat. You might give a tactful "no" response to someone who could stand to lose 20 pounds, but there's no denying it with 150 pounds. I wonder what conversations she and your daughter ever had about the obesity. It was not clear from your recital of the transaction whether it was your daughter or her friend who responded "obesity" to your question about health problems but I assume it was your daughter. Once the subject was on the table, the obese friend must have been uncomfortable and all primed to get hurt. She may have thought your daughter had her in mind when she responded. And maybe your daughter was consciously or subconsciously making a point to her friend. I can't imagine the friend doesn't know that she is fat so she wasn't looking for a factual assessment from you, she was looking for something else, who knows what. I suppose she could be in denial. But there are medical definitions for "overweight," "obese," and "morbidly obese" based on body mass index. There are tables on the internet. It's easy enough to check to see if she's technically fat. You might have engaged her on that, asking whether she thought she was fat or asking her if she was familiar with BMI. If she were in denial, then she would have been faced with reality. If she were looking for something else, the ensuing discussion might have evoked it and then you could deal with that. I would have gone for positive reinforcement of one of her other characteristics. I think that's a cop out, not your style. You wouldn't look at her melanoma or broken arm and ignore it, instead commenting favorably about her hair. Besides, unless she's in denial, she would know she was being manipulated. But at some other time during the weekend, a couple of compliments would be good.