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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Rabbit who wrote (27216)	3/18/2003 9:50:39 PM
From: ManyMoose	Respond to of 62549

OK, here's one. Apparently you missed a couple that I posted a while back, including one that you should recognize yourself in, but not because you have a furry tail. You're the other guy. Message 18707725 I surfed through a few of your posts, and I see that somebody appointed you moderator of this thread. Thanks for providing that valuable service. We must make sure that people only post jokes, not acknowledge that they are sometimes funny. A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like th= is: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Slogan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly contain myself. BUT your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident...I just lost it." CASE DISMISSED

To: The Rabbit who wrote (27216)	3/18/2003 10:46:48 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Respond to of 62549

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel like coming in the next day. By then, I thought, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed!! The garbage disposal is dead. Come and reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" she pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without any respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter. At the office, my colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

To: The Rabbit who wrote (27216)	3/22/2003 9:23:14 PM
From: ManyMoose	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Why I don't eat French Fries: An American is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. French man: "You American folk eat the whole bread??" American (in a bad mood): "Of course." French: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The American listens in silence. The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??" American: "Of Course." Frenchman: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the states." The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?" Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk. American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course." American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to France."