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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: GROUND ZERO™ who wrote (27510)	4/2/2003 11:06:38 PM
From: High Grader	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

Pusilanimous piswick is more apt. OJ. 15 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK... 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It leads to more honest communications. 3. It reduces complaints about low pay. 4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear. 5. It encourages car-pooling. 6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care. 7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 8. It makes fellow employees look better. 9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. 12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar. 13. It makes everyone more open with his or her ideas. 14. Eliminates the need for! employees to get drunk on their lunch break. 15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

To: GROUND ZERO™ who wrote (27510)	4/3/2003 2:05:28 AM
From: Lazarus_Long	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62550

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered," The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded," The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would." But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable."

To: GROUND ZERO™ who wrote (27510)	4/3/2003 1:58:00 PM
From: haqihana	Respond to of 62550

GZ, An old gentleman in the hospital refused to eat a bowl of Jell-o. Pressed for an explanation by the nurse, he replied, "I'm not going to eat anything that's more nervous than I am."

To: GROUND ZERO™ who wrote (27510)	4/3/2003 5:34:34 PM
From: Bill Grant	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

A rich man and a poor man were sitting in a bar late one night. They were talking about different things and then the poor man asked the rich man what he bought his wife for her birthday. "I got her a brand new Mercedes Benz and a 24-karat diamond ring," says the rich man. The poor man, a bit puzzled, asked, "Why the hell did you get her both?" The rich man replied, "I got her both so if she doesn't like the ring, she can drive her new car back to the jeweler's to exchange it. So...What did YOU buy for YOUR wife?" The poor man said, "I bought her a pair of flip-flops and a dildo." Obviously confused, the rich man asked why he chose those items. The poor man replied, "Because if she doesn't like the flip-flops, she can go f*** herself!"