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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Knighty Tin who wrote (27676)	4/16/2003 7:45:46 PM
From: Thomas M.	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62567

mdn.mainichi.co.jp Golden feces wipes smile on Japanese faces By Ryan Connell Staff Writer April 16, 2003 Some may pooh-pooh the claim, but with over 2 million sold, golden turds are the latest hit consumer product to raise a stink in fad fetish Japan, according to Shukan Asahi (4/25). Ryukodo, a Kyoto-based decoration manufacturer, has trouble pushing out enough of its golden turds to keep up with demand. The blistering pace at which they've sold since hitting souvenir stores and clothing outlets across Japan since June 2000 seems to vindicate the old adage that nothing is as grossly overrated as awful sex and nothing as underrated as laying a decent log. Supposedly lucky charms, golden turds weigh just under 2 grams and their curl gives them a height of some 1.2 centimeters. Rather than appearing scatological, they're cute little dollops of dung, which first made them a hit among high schoolgirls. "I bought loads of them and gave them to each member of my family as a souvenir," a schoolgirl who developed a feel for the fake feces she bought while on a school trip to Nagasaki tells Shukan Asahi. "I tied the one I bought for myself on the end of my mobile phone." Since the end of last year, sales have been far from bogged down. Instead, they've skyrocketing as growing numbers of housewives and salarymen scramble to get their hands on these nuggets. "With the world as bleak as it is nowadays, we wanted to come up with a product that would get people laughing," the golden turds' creator, Ryukodo president Koji Fujii, tells Shukan Asahi, giving the poop on why his products are far from being just mere crap. "Nobody in the world would get angry if somebody gave them one of our turds as a souvenir and just seeing them presented would lighten up the whole atmosphere. It's been over two years since we really first started selling them, but I reckon the world has become an even darker place in that time." Golden turds as sold with a decorative red cushion for 2,000 yen apiece, with versions attached to an 8-centimeter-long string going for just 250 yen more, putting them well within the budget of the average traveler. Ryukodo is the biggest loser in the decorative doo-doo business, though, as the poop is painted with gold paint and the ceramic base they're made of is kilned at low heat for a long time, eating away at its margins. Current versions include turds with funny faces painted on them, and others that emit a fragrance, though the odor let off is highly unlikely to be anything like the real thing. Ryukodo employees are currently scratching their heads over how to come up with more ideas for other shitty products. Although the company never initially intended to do so, following enormous demand from the corporate sector, Ryukodo has since April 20 been selling life-sized golden turds 7 centimeters tall and weighing 100 grams. "I'm a wonderful example that these turds bring good luck," Ryukodo's Fujii tells Shukan Asahi. "As long as the world has doom and gloom, I believe there'll always be a place for products that can spark people's urge to play around. The dirty and disgusting have an ability to brighten people up."

To: Knighty Tin who wrote (27676)	4/16/2003 9:15:49 PM
From: Ron	Respond to of 62567

Old Sean lived alone in Northern Ireland. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Mick, who used to help him, was in an English prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Mick, I am feeling a mite down because it looks like I won't be able to plant me potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son: Dear Father, For CHRIST'S SAKE, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried all them feckin' BODIES! Love, Mick At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen agents from Scotland Yard and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden down to a depth of about six feet. That evening, not finding any bodies, they apologized to the old man and left. The next day the old man received another letter from his son: Dear Father, Go ahead and plant yer spuds now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Mick

To: Knighty Tin who wrote (27676)	4/17/2003 7:19:51 PM
From: Miner	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62567

As a proud Canadian, a Leafs fan, a Catholic(when I had religion), with the spirit of a 10 year old, that has now become my favourite joke, perhaps replacing this, my OJ: Two guys go to a conference on humour and attend a joke seminar. One guy is just accompanying his friend, and really doesn't know much about humour. They take their seats and the MC says, "to start us off, lets have a few rounds of the best jokes". So a lady stands up and says "42", and everyone laughs, another fellow yells "23", and again everyone laughs. This goes on for a while, when the one fellow turns to his friend and says "I don't get it, numbers aren't funny". His friend explains that since this conference is attended by the funniest people in the world, they know all the jokes, so they don't want to waste time and they just tell the punchlines, which they have numbered also to save time. The guy thinks this is great, so when there is a brief pause, he jumps up and yells "57". When absolutely no one laughs, he turns to his and asks what the problem is. The other guy replies "you told it wrong". Old and lame but I like it. regards, john