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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (27683)	4/17/2003 3:26:22 PM
From: Arthur Radley	Respond to of 62568

A man walks into a restaurant with an ostrich behind him. He sits down and the waitress comes over and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke", and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" asks the waitress. "I'll have the same", says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment. The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says,"I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke" and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocketand pays with exact change. This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad,"says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says,"That will be 12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic andI found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for amillion dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs!"

To: Barney who wrote (27683)	4/21/2003 3:07:59 PM
From: Tomato	Respond to of 62568

Oldie but goodie: Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner. "Mommy, how old are you?" she asked. "Now dear" said her mother, "you should never ask a woman what her age is". "Why not?" demanded Jenny. "Because it isn't polite. You'll understand better when you grow up " Jenny though about it for a moment, then piped up, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?' "Jenny," said her mother, "That's not a question you ask people." "Why not? "Because it is not polite to ask grown-ups about how much they weigh. You ll understand some day." "Mommy," Jenny asked, "Why did you and Daddy get divorced?" "Darling," her mother replied with a sigh, "That's something that's still very painful for Mommy, and I really can't talk about it now. I'll explain when you are a little older." The next day, Jenny told a friend at school about the conversation with her mother. The other little girl explained to her, "All you have to do is get a look at your mom's drivers license. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it." So little Jenny sneaked a peek in her mother's purse when she got home, and looked over her license, examining it carefully. That evening, she went back in to the kitchen and announced, "I know how old you are, Mommy, You are 36." Her mother looked down at her, surprised. "And I know how much you weigh!" said Jenny. "You weigh 135 pounds." "Jenny, where did you learn this?" her mother asked. Jenny just smiled and continued, "And, I know why you and Daddy got a divorce." Her mother just gasped and asked, "Why?" Jenny replied, "Because you got an F in sex.