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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Doug Coughlan who wrote (27697)	4/18/2003 7:49:26 AM
From: Doug Coughlan	Respond to of 62567

Dear Abby: I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel. Her time there is limited as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would get them off the street, and hopefully, their heroin habits. All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my distant cousin who is French? Signed, Worried About My Reputation

To: Doug Coughlan who wrote (27697)	4/18/2003 11:40:52 AM
From: Guardian	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

-> AGING GRACEFULLY > > Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was > called witchcraft. . . Today, it's called golf. > ---------------------------------------------- > Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age > and start bragging about it. > ---------------------------------------------- > The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. > ---------------------------------------------- > Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to > know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the > roads weren't paved. > --------------------------------------------- > How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? > ---------------------------------------------- > When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of > Algebra. > --------------------------------------------- > You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. > ---------------------------------------------- > One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such > a nice change from being young. > ---------------------------------------------- > One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. > ---------------------------------------------- > Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. > ---------------------------------------------- > Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, > they don't recognize you. > ---------------------------------------------- > If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to > laugh at when you are old. > --------------------------------------------- > First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull > your zipper up, then . . . Oh my goodness you forgot to pull your > zipper down > ---------------------------------------------- > If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas, and smoke in > a smoking jacket, WHY would anyone want to wear a windbreaker?? > ---------------------------------------------- > And best of all.... I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to > the top.