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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: PatiBob who wrote (28022)	5/28/2003 9:32:23 PM
From: sandintoes	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62543

Subject: Kentuckyisms Things I've learned about Kentucky ..... Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Kentucky. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Kentucky, plus a couple no one's seen before. Squirrels will eat anything. Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants. Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites. A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck. Onced and Twiced are words. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic. People actually grow and eat okra. Fixinto is one word. There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There's only dinner and then there's supper. Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2. Backards and forwards means I know everything about you. 'Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?" You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see. More about Kentuckians...: You know you're from Kentucky if: 1. You measure distance in minutes. 2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. 3. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks. 4. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year. 5. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store. 6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal. 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 8. You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car. 9. You know what "cow tipping" is. 10. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, chili powder, and catsup. 11. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for local gossip and sports. 12. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. 13. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm." 14. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas. 15. You know whether another Kentuckian is from east, west, or middle Kentucky as soon as they open their mouth. 16. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin wal-martin" or off to "Wally World." 17. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather. 18. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example "What kinna coke you want?" 19. Fried Catfish is the other white meat. 20. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Kentucky.

To: PatiBob who wrote (28022)	5/29/2003 1:00:15 PM
From: Neeka	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62543

25 TRUTHS OF LIFE 1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. You must follow through in your total walk in life with your actions. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it! 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat