1 . Ever Want To Curl Up And Die?
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word.....he knew better.
Melinda, 39, Seguin, TX
2. Pad, please!
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He
was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I
could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and
handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
3. Ho, Ho, Ho
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and
wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable,
so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had
copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a
relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that I
take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover
that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror -
wearing nothing but a camera!
Name Withheld
4. Lady Golfer
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the
store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and
said "I think I like playing with men's balls.
"Colleen, 31, Ferndale, MI
5. Nuts About You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of
nuts. As we were l ooking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked
if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My
sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red
and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye, 34, Ellerslie, MD
6. Na-na na-na na-nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other parents. I told her that if
she did not start behaving right now she would be punished. To my horror, she
looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let
me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee
last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even
the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity
and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard
when the door closed behind me were people laughing hysterically.
7. Priceless
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to
the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her
embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the
store to hear "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad
enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word
"Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS". In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over
the intercom "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU
POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Diane
8. Ask A Child The Same Question Too Many Times
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old
son
had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day
we stopped at a Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very
busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him
if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child
has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I
said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No", he replied. I
just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting
worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?".
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks
and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!! while 30 people nearly choked to
death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An
o ld couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever
had! |
